IN MEMORY OF LATE HEATH LEDGER

the amazing actor,

Hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

not even close,

not even a little bit,

not even at all.

This poem is frm his movie '10 things i hate about you',

I just felt like putting it here i dont know why, maybe cz of his amazin acting in 'the dark knight' or maybe i just like this poem, or the way it was read in the movie, or the significance in had in the movie....

i Dunno somtimes i just putting stuff on my blogs that really touch my heart even if its not written by me

Somewhere I DONT Belong

While still in Pune before the vacations I had planned a sleepover with a two of my childhood friends, we had grown up together, had build so many dreams together , crushed on the same guy so many times, made so many future plans for so many things I can’t even list’em out, talked on phone for ages, even though we were in different schools and one of us was in a different continent, but somehow we had managed to keep in touch , Saddy the one still in Delhi and I often hung out together on weekends and made plans for movies and just going here and there even though we were in different schools and had different friends nothing mattered because we had more gossips to share when we met. We were always in touch with Sarah who was in South Africa through the net , and whenever all three of us were in Delhi we had a blast.
This time as well we had planned loads and loads of stuff the sleepover was one of’em. So we decided that Saddy and I would go to Sarah’s place which was in Aya Nagar, which is a small under developed area on the mehrauli- gurgaon road (I guess)... coz I don’t go there often, as my dad is always against me goin there considering the place and the crowd there is not decent (no offense), but it dint matter to me as long as all three of us would be together. Since my Dad was against it there was no one two drop us to Sarah’s place so we had to take the bus, which turned out to be a two hour ride....and that’s a lot of time. Once there the dust had covered my hair , there were no good roads o walk on there everywhere there was dust, and walking walking finally we reached Sarah’s place. There we just lay on the bed at first thinking what to talk about, drank water and went for lunch, we had lunch in this small dhaba kinda place called Inder, which was the only eating out place her, where they had only chowmein so that all we had and went back to her place , changed our clothes into somthing comfortable and just sat and talked......There the shock was coming now.... So now as we started chatting about everyone we knew... I found that they had become best friends with people I hate , people I can’t stand the sight of, they were hanging out people my parents had forbidden me to, all of who hated me in return as well...and they kept on telling me stories about what they do as a group and all the kind of kewl stuff they do, and they now had dreams I was no longer a part of, they had a life that I no longer was a part of, they had a friend circle I was not a part of and I could never be a part off... and they kept goin on and on and on ...their life had changed so much and I felt left, they tried really hard to make feel like a guest but thats not what I wanted , I wanted the us back talking about cartoons and stupid movies like we used to when we were in 8th grade (that time we were in the same school)....I tried my best not feel left out, they were the same person within, it was like the way they looked at me had changed...
So as the sun started setting we went out for a walk , and then Saddy said , “Yaar, Ally has come yaar we have to do something crazy and wild” and I thought what could be the craziest and the wildest thing we could do here in Aya Nagar? “Let’s get alcohol” I said which took both my friends by surprise, but after thinking it through they agreed...so they called up this friend of theirs and asked him to get some vodka.....So around 9:00 pm all three of us went to the terrace with some chips and limca and everything....there also my friends kept on talking about their ‘other friends’ and I felt left out again , and I couldn’t even be a part of their conversation, so I just sat their and was missing my friends in Pune, the ones I had made in Pune ...... So after having three large vodka shots, I was still not high, feeling all left out and feeling out of place....I called up Elli my ex roommate in Pune, she was in Surat right now, she dint pick up.... a message came after 5 mins “out with mum and sorry will call l8r”, then I tried calling Sharon my roommate and my best friend her was out of service. And now I felt like I was stranded in some island and I had no way out.... I guess the sleepover was a bad idea... and I was sad and angry at the fact that I dint belong here anymore, and the fact that they had a life without me and it hurt ...very much and I dint know what to do....and it struck me I could call Apurv in Dubai, and maybe talking to him would make me feel better....but again it would mean making an international call....but then I told myself.... ‘Ally it’s time to be selfish now’ and I did have balance ... so I called him ....he was obviously surprised that I was calling all the way from Delhi...but just after 10-15 minutes of talking we had a fight and I hung up....feeling even more miserable....i no longer knew my childhood friends , was mad at one of my very good friends and would probably never talk to him again, and I had no one to talk to ......so I started crying....and to get back at him I smoked (for which my friends in Pune are going to kill the moment they find out...nd how smoking was getting back at him is a different story).... but like always I dint know how to and inhaled all of it and couldn’t exhale any of it.... yeah i can never learn how to smoke(Thank god)...When Sarah saw that I was a mess she took the cig from me and finished it and then I was still crying... they thought I was cry only coz of the fight ....but they dint know that they had changed so much... I no longer knew who they were...and I was all alone there and I couldn’t even talk to the three very close friends I made in Pune. And so they tried to talk to me, but I gave some lame reason...and cried myself to sleep......
Next morning we woke up made breakfast and sat in the living room and talked about stuff...when both Elli and Sharon called one after another I told them what happened last night , both of’em freaked out on hearing that I smoked Sharon I am sure is not going to talk to me when I get back to Pune.. She gave her signature lecture which has only three words “Ally bas kar” and that makes all the difference....
Those two phone calls made me realise that yeah I don’t belong here anymore, my lifestyle had changed ...and so had theirs , I can’t blame anyone , we could no longer be the kids who dreamt of marrying some comic character ...we had grown up and so had our lives and no matter how much we wanted to we cannot go back there....so after these calls I went and sat with my friends and talked about other things and made some new unrealistic dreams together , even though they were unrealistic they still had the three of us, and so we talked for hours and hours again in the morning building new dreams and accepting each other with our new lives. I was happy in my life in Pune and they were happy here, and every time I had come to Delhi both of’em had made efforts to keep this friendship still go on... so what if I dint talked to them for long hours on the phone.... I knew that some friends are going to be there forever. And we these thoughts in my mind, I started for the 2 hour bus ride home........The sleepover was a good thing..... I finally knew where I belonged

An ode to the lost christmas

There is a Christmas carol that goes like
“Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree of all the trees most lovely”
I wanna sing all these Christmas carols so loudly that the whole building could hear it. I know it’s a little too early to talk about Christmas, since we just got over with diwali, but I can’t stop thinking about it, coz I have finally realised that its never again going to be the way it was two years from now, Now for many years to come ‘My Christmas’ is going to be dry like last years, where I had to attend the Christmas in a language I dint even understand.
I guess that’s the worst part of staying away from family, you enjoy the freedom, u enjoy the laziness, u enjoy the dirty rooms.....but when it comes to holidays and festivals all you do is just miss family, you miss the childhood days, when you lived with your mommy and daddy and annoying siblings, because you are brought up in a way to love those holidays... and all of a sudden u are on your own, with no mommy or daddy or the annoying siblings...
I remember Christmas two years from now when I was still in school and lived with mom and dad and my annoying sibling and when I STILL lived in DELHI, my job was always to force my family to go out and buy Christmas decorations and new clothes ... a week before Christmas ... yeah I can still picture it ... on the 21s of December every year, Christmas carols by Boney M playing on the stereo in my room with full volume so that it would be heard all over the house I’d be singing them, making snowflakes, snowman out of thermacol and cotton, and my sister unwillingly helping me with it , and then putting up the Christmas tree – the best part, and decorating it, putting green Reith all over the house, putting up big stars in all of the balconies, putting up lights all over the house, I never gave up until the entire living room was covered with red, green and golden stuff. Mom making all sorts of Christmas cookies, Dad making all varieties of Christmas cake known to man and I like a robot helping both of’em and decorating the house as well. And then we’d have the carol singers come to our house and sing the best of Christmas carols. And on the eve of Christmas all four of us would just sit in the living room, sip hot chocolate/coffee along with the cookies and admire my work and then go to sleep early....so we could get up for the midnight mass late night.
We’d all get up at 10 and leave for church by 11:00, and the offering in the church would go on for two hours, filled with Christmas plays and carols- yet again. And then after the offering everyone would wish each other a very happy and merry Christmas, irrespective of the fact that whether they know them or not and then we’d have cake and tea in the church at 2:00 am and sing loudly and then go back home and sleep.....
And then on Christmas morning we’d all get up late and as lazily as possible get ready and go to some cousin’s place for “The Christmas Gathering” where every damn family member in Delhi would come with guitars and keyboards , everybody will get together and make the most amazing lunch ever, coz it was not a party hosted by a family it would always be a gathering so the meal would always have a dish from every family . And then we’d play games everyone the kids, the teens, the adults everyone and sitting on rugs with eight to ten of us kids trying to fit under one quilt, basically sitting anywhere we could squeeze ourselves into in that room where everybody sat and have coffee, cakes , cookies and listen to all the grandma stories told by our parents ........ I miss those days
Last Christmas was the worst one ever, even though my friends tried to make it as special as possible , by filling the stocking that I had hung in my hostel with gifts and loads and loads of chocolates I loved them for that, something was missing, even my room was decorated and I had a two feet Christmas tree standing on my table, it was not the same......coz it’s no fun decorating a Christmas tree that is not taller that you are, and no Boney M Christmas carols and plus attending the Xmas offering in a language I had no clue about was sad damn sad.
And what’s more sad is that kind of Xmas is never ever going to come back coz even this year too I won’t be able to go back to Delhi for Xmas coz my parents are going out of Delhi to celebrate Christmas, and I’ll once again be stuck with that two feet Xmas tree with no carols... and after this year and the years to come I am always going to long for those red green and golden Christmas, coz now all us kids have grown up and gone our separate ways to different parts of the world.....leaving behind just memories.
But I’ll still hope for the Christmas where everyone is there, maybe 6-7 years down the line when half of us cousins are married, where we are all sitting in a big room at someone’s place sipping hot chocolate and having ‘Christmas cakes and cookies’.
Yeah I know I know.... it dint make much of sense to hope for something that’s a thing in the present past.....but like I say.... Nothing ever does

nick of time

dont you like sometimes wish that everything would just stop for a moment like ...like in
wen u r watching a movie nd u wanna take a break u pause...if only u cud do that with your
life , coz everything is moving so fast , somtimes you dont even get time to think or
breath...You knw smtimes i wish i cud just sit and watch the world pass by , i mean ..... ok i
dont even knw what i am trying to prove here... its just dat everything happens so fast...for
one-you grow up so fast and you dont even realise it...for instance just 10 yrs ago u wished
oh damn its gonna take 10 more yrs to be der whr i wanna be ... and 2day if u look back it'll
jst feel as if it were only a couple of days ago that you wer dreaming of being whr you are
today .second - sometimes relationships break in a nick of time, 2 minutes ago u are friends and the
next moment u have a fight and u break so many years of friendship - just like that , you
dont care about the days and weeks and smtimes even months u spent bulding that great
friendship, coz it may now seem a mistake, a like, a joke....coz you are hurt and u dont care
to look beyond your ego, you may think that somtimes you can , but the truth is that you
dont want to look beyond that , even if you try to you wont be able to coz you are so full of
anger at that moment that you see only what you want to see.At times like these u wud want things to just ..just stop... so that u cud take a second look and percieve things in a different way ...so that you cud make the rite decision...but then again no matter how hard you try u cant ....coz again like i said ...everything's just goin too fast the world is moving too fast.And then again there are times when you wanna go back in time and fix things ...correct yourself where you and Others went wrong ...... man you wish for so many things and in the end you get so little... and then you think you ae being selfish... and restrict yourself to be happy with what you have and what you get... and then life goes on and then again you think whr you went wrong...nd you'd want that 'nick of time' to think it thru but u wont have it ...so you know its good being selfish sometimes....atleast you get wat you want.......
Yeah ok so i know again this dint make much sense either -----but then again like i always say nothing ever does .......peace out